Summertime in the Magic City

Email Exchange

A dear friend and I had the following "Email Exchange" today because we are in a HOT debate over whether or not free range is the way to go. Personally, I like the idea of my cow wandering around the open field grazing at will before the farmer sends him "packing." But Randy seems to believe that I am a little too soft. So, when I came across the following cartoon about boycotting "factor farmed" animals in the Onion, I thought immediately of Ran (because that would be his reaction). So I sent him the cartoon, and he send me his reply.

Me: Can fix stupid ...


Randy: *Here is Napoleon Dynamite sporting your theory ... because you can't fix stupid.

Customer Service

A few weekends ago I had to run all around North Miami finding party supplies for work (why, because I lost the World’s fastest game of “Not It” ever played, but that is a story for another day). As I was running out the door to find decorations for the themed Welcome Party for the new lawyers, my friend Seth called to see if I could watch his four-year-old daughter, Emma. Being completely in love with Emma, I said sure – but she would need to accompany me on my sojourn. And seeing as how Emma loves shopping, it was a match made in heaven.

As we were driving into the depths of Hialeah to a party store, Emma spots a Mc Donald’s and being the headstrong and determined child that she is, she asks, or rather demands in a sweet voice, that we stop for a “Nila Take,” or in non-four-year-old English, a vanilla shake. Being overly accommodating, I pull into the parking and start to steer into the drive thru line, but, no, Emma wants to go inside. So, inside we go.

Emma walks boldly up to the counter and places her order, which I have to translate to the half-dead person behind the counter. The guy walks over to the shake machine and dispenses the vanilla yummyness into a small cup. But then before he hands it to me, he places a McFlurry top (the plastic top with a HUGE hole in the middle) and spoon into the cup. As he hands it to me, the following conversation takes place:

Me: can I please have a flat lid and a straw?
Worker:
Me: It is for the little girl (pointing at Emma)
Worker: Um …
Me: You know the lid for the cokes??? May I please have one?
Worker: But I gave you a spoon.
Me: Yes, but she is too little to have the spoon – she will make a mess.
Emma: Will not! I want da take, Peeezzze.
Me: Please, may I just have a flat lid and straw.
Worker: … Whatever …
Me: Thank you and have a good day
Worker:


As Princess Emma and I walked out, hand-in-hand, I looked back at the worker and wondered whether this was pure apathy, or if he truly had no idea what I was asking for because he was stoned/mentally challenged/didn’t speak English, or if he was just F**king with me. I honestly hope it was the last one, but something tells me that is not the case. Thank the Lord for the EEOC.

Pitbull

The other weekend a couple of friends and I went to South Beach for drinks at the Delano, and after a few drinks we decided to take a walk and people watch (or, as we predicted, see a few of the PD’s defendants before the made their way to our courtroom the following Monday). And as usual, we ended up seeing someone famous (other than Brooke Hogan).

We saw Pitbull and his entourage leaving one of the myriad of clubs SOBCH has to offer, and I was slightly shocked that of the five of us, only two had actually heard of him. Though I am not a huge fan, I do like Pitbull and his music, but this might have something to do with my cousin being a huge fan (growing up in Dade, she actually knows him and has hung out with him before and after he made it big outside of the 3-0-5). So, to introduce Pitbull to some who have not had the pleasure of the MIA Rapper, I have included a few Youtube videos for ya'll (because I am nice like that).

Fatherly Advice:

This time last week, a lovely friend extended an extraordinary proposal my way – a job in Vegas. Yes, VEGAS! The job was at highly reputable West Coast firm that has a small Vegas outfit. As he began telling about all of the jobs “perks,” I began to get very excited: I would make quite a bit more than I do now, yearly bonuses are real – not just a fictional probability, I would be a heartbeat away from the Strip, and there was the constant possibility of endless new adventures. These notions added a little spring in my step, while dollar signs were dancing in my head. The opportunity sounded too good to be true.

So, I took a step back and reexamined the situation – and I became excited all over again (even with the prospect of taking another state’s bar exam). It was then that I knew I had to call the Father for some real-world advice. I picked up the phone and called my dad at work, and told his secretary (a.k.a., my mom) that I needed to speak with the boss.

It took all of ten minutes to tell my dad all of the information I was given about the opportunity, plus some additional information that I gathered about the job and the firm itself. Then, for the next hour, my father proceeded to give me the best advice I have been given to date. Here is the gist of what he said:

1. Know your plan and follow it: I was taught from a young age that in life long-term goals and plans are needed. For the last few years my plan has been to work for the State Attorney’s Office for the three-year-commitment period, then become a Federal Prosecutor or a work for a police department practicing forfeiture law, and then eventual open up my own criminal defense practice. Now, my dad has never been a huge fan of the plan (mostly because he had his own plans for me), but he understood them and supported it to the best of his ability. So when I told him about working for a law firm in Vegas that practices civil law – he said, “Does this further your plan or does it frustrate your plan? It seems to me that this is taking what you have said you wanted from your second day of law school and quintessentially throwing it out the window because something better and shinier came along.” He went on to conclude that just because the path you are on is difficult and rocky, does not mean that you abandon it for the first “seemingly” better opportunity that comes your way.

2. Work hard, do the right thing, and be a good person, and the money will follow: this ties in with the first piece of advice seamlessly. For even though the path to your goals/plan are difficult, by working hard, choosing to do the right thing even if it is not the easiest option, and being a good person (in general) you will find success. And when you find success, the money will find you.

3. If you are not having sex, you aren’t doing anything: funnily enough, this was actually the first piece of advice that he gave me, and when he proffered it, he told me that my great-grandmother gave him this worldly piece of advice on the same day that she offered him the two other morsels of truth mentioned about. Needless to say, Dad said this advice is as true today as it was back in my great-grandmother’s day, and with that, he quickly moved on to another topic.

After the long, yet motivational, discussion – I began to see the Vegas opportunity in a whole new light. So, though it was fun for a few short days to picture the fun and excitement of moving to the Sin City – I am staying in the Magic City for a little while longer.